Because You Left

By the locker on the fourth floor you stood, all five feet nothing of you, long blonde hair curling into forever, with a smile that everyone adored. By my side was the man you would come to know as your first love as it were. Separately you were two of my closest friends in those early years, and together you would set me on that path to everything and evermore.

I stood witness to that first of many awkward moments we’ve shared together, as he blushingly asked you to homecoming that fall. And on that day then, as the little ones ran up to greet me before our glamorous photo session in your parent’s dining room, we stole the night as the gathering turned their attention to our unique brand of sideshow. We were children once, just playing with toys.

You knew how this story was going to end from the moment you made your presence felt; from the moment you lied.

The beach at Gilson Park has seen its share of history, but no moment greater than that of the great divide. Texas. Something had snapped within that framework you had once helped establish. The long blond hair, the plaid torn shorts, the crutches. Gone were you and the boy, the clique had fallen by the wayside. A thousand miles away I was without a care in the world, but the world moved on at a steady beat, and that night we would face a reckoning by the likes they had never seen before. He stood on one side, with my friends for years with him, albeit paling in comparison to what Austin had brought. Across the park, you and her stood shining through to me like beacon in the dark, there was never a moment of hesitation. If you would have me, we could reform the clique together. On our terms, we would move past them, we were better than the lot of them. And through a fit of delirium we drew our line in the sand.

By your side I stood as we surrogate dated each other, passing along the messages from our other halves, trying our best to fix the problems we each had with them. You were only plutonic girl-comma-friend that has ever crossed my path, and what a story we wrote together. In the years that past, you found something to hold on to, someone to follow to ends of the earth, and that idea was enough for you to say goodbye. There was no place left for me to judge; for how you left spoke volumes on its own, and they would show their anger on the turning away.

You were always the champion, the one we looked to for guidance and leadership. There was something special with us, that we took in everyone, the awkward, the ridiculous, the good and the bad. Because you left, there was only me, and I paled in comparison in the role that you so starred in. Time and again they have looked to me for answers, to shine in the spotlight that was never meant for me. Because we left, the clique fell apart, and they were left to fend for themselves.

But like all good stories that start with a girl, this one would end the same as they always do. I neither condoned nor condemned who you are and where you have been. And we were more alike than any of us want to think, somewhere swaying along the dance floor to imaginary songs with imaginary friends. On that day then you made a choice, in a moment of desperation and resolve she came to you, asking for an address, a contact, a touchstone to a reality that was not her own. You obliged, in that way you used to for all of us, and sought me out once more. You would come to lie to me; there was no reason for the deception. If you had been honest, the story would have played the same. If you had been there for me, like I was there for you, these voices would not have awakened. If you had believed in me, like I believed in you, for once to be truthful in your intentions. There is nothing more that can be gleamed from all of this, no deeper meaning or sentimental moments left to be shared here. I forgive you darling, please don’t ever act like me again.