In Vain

Originally written March 29, 2007

Jealousy, that lovely emotion that defines all that we need to be but for an absence of a particular trait which seemingly holds us back. An emotion, one which can be controlled, shaped, and redirected into something meaningful, into something beyond the bounds of our imaginations.

It exists when we consciously accept an inferior position to that of another; that we believe what we want is beyond our control. So what if the world around you is falling apart; it’s not as if you were ever meant for it to begin with.

Time and again we are all confronted with that proposition testing our resolve; the red and the black once more. Envy washing over us, pulling us to the far corners of our reality. Laughing off insult to injury, reveling in the fact we will never be like them.
And I am not dead yet. Does history have to repeat itself over again every spring? The cast may change, but the characters remain the same. The willows weep, and the world will sleep, you’ll find me.

On a long enough timeline…each of our storylines have an ending, and in the rare occasions, they get to be replaced by something of greater meaning. The scene changes, but no one in the audience has any idea what just happened. Let go, and uncertainty will inevitably bring brighter days. Hold on, and none of us come out unscathed.

To the dark side of the moon we find our walkaways, and to the eclipse of that night sky we shall paint black. And still we are haunted by the ghosts of days of future past. She is intolerable and yet appears everywhere I turn. But nothing is what it appears, a game being played beneath it all. None of us are innocent; we have all found our calling here.

Vanity. The ability to reign over all that has been set into motion before you. The difference between us and them is how you act upon the moments such as these. I reflect my abilities into this confession, and I am forgiven for any responsibility that may come from it. But they will always be left with doubt, wondering to the high heavens every direction less traveled. For what I have done, and what remains to be said.

Your prayers are always answered exactly in the order they are received.