One Last Goodnight

Originally written April 4, 2007

Back when we never had the time to think about it all. So it began on that August night, the first of our last nights. I remember that last drive through our canopied streets while the neighbors slept the night away. I remember going to Joyce’s house, and our walk around the block, realizing every step we took signaled an end to an era. The words I spoke, that I wasn’t ready, that I still had some things left to accomplish here. And he assured me, in the distrustful way he would one day be known for, that everything would be all right. One last moment to stare into that night sky.

Since that day then, on that last night before the flight back to Washington, before that drive back to Kansas, before our fateful flight to the other side of the world.

Look back upon those Winnetkan nights, those silent moments that seem to last for an eternity. Look back and wonder into the starry night above, as our thoughts travel through the glimmers of light far from home, do they look back at us standing there, are we the same tonight.

Tonight so bright. There is a path Buddhist monks must follow when they leave their life of devotion and sacrifice and rejoin our world as productive members of society. The monks require a spiritual guide, to bring them from one waking reality to the other. The journey is fragmented, and never do they return as the same man as they left. Not every monk is successful in their conversion back, and those that fail in their return to the monastery live out their days in service of whatever. Nothing matters more than what they have already lost.

They granted you one final wish. In that moment before takeoff, that silent moment with the white picket fences glowing in the moon light. As you arrive home for that final time…fatalism, believing all things come to an end, and preparing for that moment just in case she never resurfaces again…stare into that night sky and make your peace with her one last time. Ask for forgiveness. Ask for the strength to carry on in your next adventure. One last chance to make you believe everything will be right as rain.

For what I have done, these are things that I am proud of, and while everyone moves on, while everyone will carry out their own lives, protect them just the same, long enough to see the sunrise one more time.