From “The Unfinished Works of The Battle of Evermore”, originally published May 7, 2007
Republished September 8, 2009
Farther down the rabbit hole we fall, chasing the morning dawn that never seemed to come, panic having given way to an unparalleled thrill. It started to make sense, in these moments together; we survey the situation, bring forth our observations to this our very own private attentive audience, twisting in the wind at our every move. The sounds of a thousand voices reflected in my own, who you are and who you want to be, who you are meant to be. Your place in the world that has been set aside, waiting for you to find your way back home.
Reality comes crashing down as the rabbit hole meets its destiny. You can travel the world over; find yourself in one inescapable and inexplicable situation after another, but that quiet calm continues to elude you. Out here on the island, we are spiraling out of control. On the light side of the moon, homecoming awaits.
The Hong Kong International, where all good stories come to an end. Jezebel makes her presence felt, bearing witness, by my side until that day then. And that day had come.
There is nothing to left to say to her now, a calm understanding between us. She asks, what will you do when you get off the plane? And I respond, honestly darling, I haven’t thought ahead that far. An imaginary friend that I just had to dream up in a moment of desperation. An angel sent to protect me from myself.
With the luggage checked and boarding pass in hand, one last moment to spin the girl in the air to celebrate the end of all that mattered. And as she came down from up high, we twirl right into the presence of Connie, the first of the Chinese to welcome me to the island. Connie, in her school girl sailor moon uniform with a smile that promised us everything was going to be alright. She had come to find closure on an inexplicable year that Beijing would never understand. In that moment of spinning Elodie back to her feet I grab onto our little Wei Wei Huang and spin her in the slow motion effect our life has on this world. Our moment together, my closest friends, just like heaven.
Vanessa and Leo would join the party, taking trains and buses for two hours to make it to the airport in time. Team Sweat as it were, and wherever Aaron was, he would have been proud. I gave Vanessa the nickname of Google, after a hermit crab. There was no explanation to these things, they just simply were, and everyone followed along. Whatever Leo thought of me, he kept to himself, but I’d like to believe despite his mainland hardline upbringing, he knew where to stand with me.
In this our lasting moment together, I look back at them with a devotion never felt before, a sense of purpose fulfilled. You my island, I gave you my all. Not a regret among us. If this is the end, I am ready to go; I am ready to die for you. For what I have done, there is simply nothing left to accomplish. Better to burn out, as they say.
Jezebel turns to me to say it was time, and in the French that I learned for this one moment in time, what had to have been said was said. With a slight smile breaking up the tears, she put on her headphones and skipped away, returning to the great adventure that her next few months alone would bring. To the Chinese and no one in particular, my final thoughts were left for each other, hanging in the air.
The next great adventure, whether welcomed or not, lay just beyond the security checkpoint. We had witnessed a great becoming; we were not the same as we left, we were different tonight. Tonight, so bright. I promised the Chinese that one day I will see them again. And with that motivation behind us, I turn to face my destiny. The ghosts of the days of future past call us home, and our day of reckoning with them awaits.
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