Once Upon a Time: Boston

Originally written during the blackout

I asked you to do one thing, one simple thing in my absence. That old familiar song that was all I had left. I asked you to take care of our kids that couldn’t or wouldn’t take care of themselves. We had built a legacy in our own time; for what I had done right, despite everything that I had done wrong, there was that hope that things would be all right once again.

No one has ever accused me of being the most reliable sei gweilo this side of the orient. But when you needed me, you have to admit, you have to admire, even the people that want to see me burn wouldn’t mind having me on their side when that day comes.

There was the story of Tess who faked she was attacked in order to fulfill some twisted fantasy. There was the prostitute that got off on crying out for a knight in shining armor in the middle of the night. There was Pasha caught in between his only friends choosing the path on which he lost everyone. There was Jen leaving the scene of the accident. There was the lying and the cheating, the pettiness that brought down a dynasty. There was the alleyway in Lan Kwai Fong that no one walked away from.

And for all of these crimes between us, I have forgiven and excommunicated them from my life. I found a way to come to terms with them, and I found a way to let go.

From the dark side of the moon I showed more effort towards the kids back here than you ever would. This patronizing checking in every few weeks, as if I was some unwelcomed reminder of the past, well let me shine on you crazy.

You try to break from that character you always were; you try to make yourself out to be someone else.

You try not to look at yourself in the mirror anymore.

There is no sentimental value to be found here, there is no project mayhem stretched out across time. You abandoned that one purpose I entrusted you with. That is a mistake I will not be making again. When I put you in charge to take care, who do you think I was talking about? I needed you, I was the one that needed help.

And you were nowhere to be found.

But things have a habit of falling into place for me, and karma never did end up on your side. Think back to all those years in Boston you spent alone, holed up in that room, waiting for that chance to live again. You lived your life vicariously through me. You lived your life how your parents planned it. In the end, what did you have to show for your decade long superiority complex? Are we that different anymore?

Your secrets, each and every last one of them, those self doubts and insecurities that I know how to play better than anyone, your mistakes and relapses, they’ll be safe with me. Because that day then has come for our chapter; and I will never forgive you for abandoning the story we wrote together.