The Great Equalizer

Originally written July 7, 2008

The Battle of Evermore began one summer evening along the path towards our great break with reality. For everything we had accomplished, at that moment it had meant nothing compared to what lied ahead, lied in every sense of the word. In the dawn of the stories we shared together, we found the flair for the dramatic and learned how to run with it. There were leprechauns dancing about us, and no one was quite sure whether this imagery was really happening, or just some novice attempt at creative dialogue.

As our turn in Kansas drew to its inevitable close, in those last moments together we finally saw the landscape for what it was meant to be all along. We were given an opportunity to compete against our peers, and in that time a chance to prove ourselves to no one in particular. For all the politics and law school bravado, legacies die hard, if only for a moment. These stories were never meant to be who we are; just a reflection of who we could become.

And before the long goodbye came the summer of the greatest measure of the pride and arrogance invested in long ago. Like clockwork it seems to me, when one storyline ends another stands prepared to take its place. We were together once again, another chance to prove our worth, and without fail there would be a resounding response; that I wasn’t going down like that, this was not that day then.

You followed my adventures and stories of reckless abandon to our island on the dark side of the moon. But not all of you could find your part in my adventure that was to come. For what we had done, there was no coming back to the same reality we had once left. The scene had changed, but this time, everyone in the audience knew the difference. You might not be able to put a finger on it, to call me out on what had happened. But in your heart you could feel the change wash over us; nothing could ever be the same.

Once upon a time we had it all figured it out; and once upon a time we knew nothing at all. When faced with the most impossible of situations the mind tends to satisfy every basic desire with what will get you through the night. And in those most surreal moments together, the ghosts of the days past came to me, they watched over me as we traveled around the world sharing in the most spectacular display of escapism. You were a ghost, a figment of my imagination. I asked you to believe in me before I left, believe me just as I believe in you. And in that trust we shared came the idea of each and every one of you.

As real to me as the crowds of millions sharing those streets, you would walk beside me just as I imagined, and the sound your voice would wash over me in waves. We hiked through the jungles on Lantau Island together, we climbed the mountains of Sai Kun. Even on that first day walking through the main campus in the new territories, you were with me, as I would point out the most impossible of realities. And it was this break from reality that allowed me to hold on to whatever hope remained that we would see each other again.

Our stories became progressively darker, our protagonist increasingly unbalanced. What had started as a controlled free fall had taken on a life of its own. On the blessing way, the excommunications, heroes and villains we were. The religious context was none too subtle as I took it upon myself to find redemption for them at every turn. The ghosts of days thought past would take me by the hand once again and lead me to our redemption, our forgiveness, in the church we made for ourselves in that west side hotel room on that Christmas eve.

We can look back on these moments together, the impression left on those that have stretched our stories farther than any of us can imagine. Would you believe these stories if they happen to you? In the world I see, there is an idea of who we are and who we are meant to be. But not all of them have the courage we do, to just take that idea and run with it. There no apologies to be found in this confession, and no regrets to be had.

In this lasting moment together, we find ourselves fulfilling one of those dreams we had all those years ago. The successful corporate attorney in Chicago, moving to the downtown high rise, with the city and all her wonders stretched out below me. I have walked through my own personal hell and back to make this all a reality. For there is always another challenge to be found, another battle to be fought, bloodied and beaten, and smiling every step of the way home. This is the Battle of Evermore, and these were my ghosts.