By the Light of the Morning Dawn

Originally written September 17, 2006

Like when we were young and the world was still in front of us.

These dreams that I have been having over the last few weeks on this the dark side of the moon, they’ve been a shot glass of life to me. I want to put stock in dreams; in that moment in between sleep and the morning dawn, when you think back on your overnight adventure and wonder if these impossible moments really happened. You linger in that moment, forgetting where you are, your responsibilities, and just hold on to those fading dreamt up memories of times that never were.

A shot of life. I understand how to argue, not psychology. In any given situation, I can see what makes a person tick and how to exploit that for all its worth. But I couldn’t begin to understand the psychological or metaphysical aspects to it. When faced with the realization, my actual acceptance of what I have gotten myself into, there must have been some reaction, a counterbalance to the pendulum swinging all the way back around.

Everything about the situation says it must be a lonely place, where my charms and shenanigans simply don’t translate; and this is my life. The clique will be rebuilt, and I have no doubt that if we take the heat out of the triple digits and move that apartment next month, the world will keep herself spinning.

It begs the question though, how can I be so assured? For every action, the acceptance and showing no remorse for my decision, there has to be a reaction. And in that, whatever level dreams work on, it gave me the shot of life. In the world I see, I could travel to anytime, to any place. Everyone was there waiting for me, and we would travel together. I went back to my youth, knowing that I had a second shot to make things right. I got to see my little brother as a baby and promised him this time we would be invincible. I saw my grandmother Dorothy as a younger woman, confident and adventurous, taking on the world. I saw my grandfather J.J. as he was when I was younger, watching over his legacy. In my dream I knew they were gone, and I was given another chance to see them and this time…

In my dream I cried for how happy I was to see them again, to tell them where I’ve been and all the things I have seen. I held them tight.

When I woke up, there was no in between realities state, there was just the lights of the noonday sun shining through my windows. I knew it was a gift, to allow me to center myself.

When everything is out of control, there is one simple constant I’ve had in my life. When I need to find my center, my moment is to play video games. From the original nintendo to the rockstar games, I can sit there in front of a screen for hours on end and just lose myself in the adventures of link, running from the stars in gta, or proving to anyone that I was the best at goldeneye. It just reminds of a simpler time. Sometimes I feel like the world got moving there really fast, and not all of us moved with at the same speed. Some are from beyond us, some are never going to catch up…but for that moment were all back to when things made sense, when we could just sit there for hours without a care in the world.

They just remind me of a better time in my life.