That Old Familiar Song

Originally written November 4, 2006

You always knew. By the start of the second month in London, the finish line was already in sight. The adventures in London lasted only a little more than three and a half months, with another six weeks of backpacking throughout Europe to contend with afterwards. In micro bursts, that is exactly what I am good at, bringing together everything that needs to be said and done over a short period of time, for in the long run it would eventually come back to haunt me.

Yet in London we had the girl, we had the Philippine princess, the Kentucky boys. There was a certain familiar feeling we could wake up with. The flat we shared consisting of three guys and three girls, every morning competing for the one shower as if our career depended on every strand of hair being in order. There was a familiarity, a commonality, despite our differences, we were in the situation together, and together we would persevere.

When we arrived it became apparent, apparent enough in perhaps the most honest confession ever told, that being Rebirth and Dissolution III. You could not do this on your own, how you left was not going to be enough. You brought out what you knew would succeed the big bad, the passion and fury that got you into and out of so many situations that no one would believe.

For a few months, that was enough, it established my presence in Hong Kong in a way I could have never found in London.

Shakedown, the last moments of law school. Running on empty, running on the big bad, at some point it was all going to collapse in on itself. There was nothing I could do to keep that together, it was all spiraling out of control, and I could merely play damage control until I got out of dodge. In those moments, I realized that this world I’ve created, when I need to take control and do what I do best, the big bad, there can be but a limited window of time, we can’t make everyone happy all the time, you can’t run on fumes forever. At some point, all that you leave in your wake, they have a habit of catching up to you. Tonight, so bright.

You can’t control them all the time, and the big bad has absolutely run out of steam. I’m left with a choice, one that did not work when I arrived here, one that last me through London when I could see that light of the morning dawn not too far off in the distance, because I had something to hold on to.

I am on my own. The choice may be the same, the situation is far from the ordinary.

I do not believe it is fate or destiny, that there is a plan set out for me. Only what I can manage today. The signs of things to come have warned us for weeks, it only takes a little pressure to bring them through. Think of all that we accomplished together.

To find that London, to believe in me as I believe in you...we have to put the band back together. Trust me, everything is going to be fine now.