Originally written October 3, 2006
Another consequence of calling out the Big Bad to settle all the problems one might encounter is that inevitably the failings of others begin to piss you off. As we have confessed to before, anger brings about someone being burned. The company I keep is about to find out how to play politics with the big boys.
As the weight of the world is lifted in my first moments as a bona fide attorney at law, I can see this is but a calm before the storm. In the past I have given absolution to those I have ruined after they intentionally or otherwise sought some wrong upon me. There is no absolution tonight. Quite the contrary, we’re moving in a different direction on those in my way, tonight we call it a crucifixion.
In the days of my rising through the ranks of my peers in Kansas politics, I had laid a plan over a year in advance of what it would take to build an empire.
The best laid plans always need some flexibility and luck built in to them.
The first target is a girl I thought to be my ally in building the student government. After writing a twelve page constitution and building my image as the only one that could lead the students, this chick has the gall to propose an amendment requiring that the only people that can run for election in this government are those that speak english and Chinese. This amendment would serve to affect exactly one person. A referendum on whether the student body wants me to play roll in the government.
I have a dream, that all men were created. I have a dream, that one day, all white people will be treated as equals to their asian brothers and sisters. In what might be the most offensive confession ever, I am the martin luther king of the white people in Hong Kong. The song remains the same. First priority is to gather sympathy for my position, make them believe I am trying to learn, that I want to participate. Then change that sympathy into rage, go on the offensive about being excluded, demand justice and satisfaction, show them the sight of a man fighting for his rights, show them someone that will fight for their rights to the administration. Use this as a platform to showoff my skills, and in turn make her about to be a racist. Evoke emotion, use their sympathies, and make sure her political ambitions never see the light of day again.
Then there comes the little man that thinks he is the heir apparent of the thrown. This kid tries to come across as the victim, makes himself out to be the people’s hero but for always being held down by others. Appointed to the same constitutional drafting committee that I took over, he never showed up to any of our meetings and merely sent emails to us saying what we were doing wrong. After we published our final draft to the student body, he quit the committee and attacked us on the school’s discussion forum about how we did not respect his ideas.
I am a professional, he is an amateur. While he can galvanize some of the students using his woe is me talk, he is about to become as useless as my former opponent Matthew. This is law school, where high school maturity and gossip reign supreme.
First, target his social life. These are not the most social people, but if you get stigmatized early on, that will follow you through till the end. Make sure everyone knows he is out for a resume builder only, that he is disrespectful to position he was appointed to, that he hates women. Any rumor that floats around about him will stick with him in these people minds till the end of time.
Then we go after his skills as a lawyer in training. In a gesture of kindness, I will offer my outlines to help him through the difficult first semester. Except these are the special outlines, the ones I tailored so that they look pretty but contain nothing remotely close to accurate law. Target everything that makes him who he is, get inside his head, find where he works and start trouble for him in the office. Find out his interests, his schedule, family. Test what he is made of and watch him fold to our amusement.
There are consequences for bringing me out for an encore in this charade of meaningless politics. Play along and we’ll be fine. Disrespect my authority, and no one will come to your rescue.
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