Fool In The Rain

Originally written November 15, 2005

There was a time many a year ago where I would be in a sheer terror of having to perform on any scale. A wave of panic would wash over me. I was afraid of letting others get the best of me. I was afraid of not living up to the expectations placed on me. I let the chips fall where they may.

But there were no expectations. I believed that how I performed mattered to someone else. I believed how I was judged by others mattered to me.

I was delusional. I was wrong.

There came a time when I refused to accept anything less than perfection. The grand scheme, the big bad plan. Operation Entropy. For too long I accepted the way it all unfolds. Its not what you deserve, its what you take. If you know what you want, do everything in your power to get it. If you want what is unattainable, what opposes another's interests, knock over the board and take what you want. When you cannot obtain what you desire, stay one step above the fray and bring order to the chaos. Keep everyone guessing, keep them confused.

I'll never be satisfied with what I have. There will always be a new adventure tomorrow.