Goodbye Farewell Amen

Originally written August 29, 2006

I was the best at what I did and what I did wasn't pretty. I was an Irishman with a short fuse, a temperament that was a blessing and a curse. No matter what situation I found myself in, I could rely on that passion to level the playing field. Either I would make my presence felt to such a degree to have my way with a matter, or I would cause so much confusion and disbelief that the few people that still cared would give up. Wait till Hong Kong gets a load of me.

I have fought to keep the greater of two evils from gaining power, even when those around me could not tell the two of us apart. I have fought to make sure that those that cannot help themselves are brought into the light. I have fought to make my penance. I have fought for what I believe is right. I fight for myself. I fight for those around me. I fight because I can and that is not going to change.

I have been the cause of and solution to many of life's problems.

I fought the Battle of Evermore to hold onto my demons. I wear them like badges of honor. By confessing to my imperfections, I have brought to light all the lives I lead that I have tried to keep separate. And the choice was whether you gain more from the confessions by clearing your soul than you lose from your worlds colliding into each other.

We all have our crosses to bear. Some just wear they're crosses more visibly than others.

The new adventure is waiting for me on the other side of the world. Although I may seem quite the contrary, I am not afraid, and you should not be either. Ask yourself of everyone that we know, who would be most likely to thrive and prosper living in a communist country knowing nothing about the language or culture, without definite housing or sense of purpose. Who else but me... Everything we have been through, every one of you, has prepared me for what lies beneath us. I'm the best at what I do; believe in me just as I believe in each of you.

I wish I could tell you that everything was going to be all right. I wish I could say that when I return every storyline will pick up where we left off. But you can never go home again. All you can do is let the chips fall where they may. In this moment of uncertainty and distress, this is when you feel the most alive, that glow I have always sought, and I am living in it as it washes over me as a great ball of healing light. This is your life. It doesn't get any better than this.

And just like that ...Jay was gone.