The Southern Cross

Originally written August 10, 2006

What I would never be allowed to understand is how these different lives coincided and gave way to each other only to be resurrected again without a moment of hesitation or doubt. To distinguish between the red and the black, what the ultimate outcome of the affair would have been but for the constant revolving door of surprises that my life had become accustomed to.

There was a fracture with reality. If I came to Kansas all those years ago with the long road set before me, I now leave the sunflower state having rejected that fate and all of her charms.

Not too long ago I believed that I would be walking through the heavenly green fields of God's country in Ireland after the bar exam. People die, and priorities change. Valhalla can wait a little longer. Instead I made my final pilgrimage south, back to Kansas to say goodbye to a life no one could have anticipated all those years ago. I made my peace and now I shall be released.

We carry with us a great burden. There are so many people, so many stories that none of you would believe. The improbable meeting the impossible, and like always I was just fine. As if these ridiculous moments were meant to happen. The memories of the world I knew wash over me tonight like a great ball of healing light, soothing away the remorse of letting go of this life.
If I had stayed, it wouldn't have been the same, but something tells me I would have made the impossible a reality once again.

Over the past two years, we experienced more living than most people will in several lifetimes. These were the salad days, what was and what should never have been. I leave knowing the best decision I have ever made in my life was staying in Kansas for law school. The Lakehouse Decision, on that inflatable raft, out in the cove a million miles from reality. Kansas was just the beginning.

time is never time at all
you can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
and our lives are forever changed
we will never be the same
the more you changed the less you feel
believe, believe in me, believe
that life can change, that you’re not stuck in vain
we’re not the same, we’re different tonight
and you know you’re never sure
but you’re sure you could be right
if you held yourself up to the light
and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
the place where you were born
believe, believe in me, believe
in the resolute urgency of now
and if you believe there’s not a tonight
tonight, so bright
we’ll crucify the insincere tonight
we’ll make things right we’ll feel it all tonight
we’ll find a way to offer up the night
the indescribable moments of your life
the impossible is possible tonight

believe in me as i believe in you tonight