The Long Goodbye

Originally written March 21, 2006

Over the past few weeks, everything in my life has been moving way too fast. One week after another, I watch each of these storylines I have worked so hard to bring together freefall their way to a close. There just isn't enough time to say what needs to be said, to put right what might be wrong, there just isn't enough left in me to do what I've always done.

I say that I've done everything that I can do, but thats not true, there are just too many times where I say you can't save everyone, and I walk away from it. Taken a lot of damage lately, and their is certainly more of it to come on the horizon. And I justify my attitude with it, and that will damn me to hell.

I lived the dream. I tell myself I have done everything I can down here. They may not understand but if you can justify it in your mind and sleep at night, then more power to you. Give it time. Time is not on my side. Over a long enough timeline the survival rate of everything drops to zero. In a very important post months and months ago, that was a key phrase that put all my work and trouble into perspective. We've stretched the timeline out, from a year, to two, to five now. The scavenger hunt that this chairman gig has been has even extended the timeline out to the full seven years of college life. The timeline has been drawn out pretty damn long, long enough at least where the probable becomes certain. What happens then, when all the storylines have come to a close, where do we go from there? On the edge of reality, far from the comfort of reason, I close my eyes and let the sun shine down upon my face.

We still have stories to tell. One last chance to make good on it all, one shot at it all.